7. Beldam
The leader of The Three Shadows is forgetful enough to forget to pay the rent on time and audacious enough to blame it on you. She’s also transphobic and an unrepetent criminal. How did she get past the DBS check? The only pros are that she adds to the atmosphere during Halloween, and her generally undesirable presence will probably keep the rent low.
8. Whomp
I personally don’t know many sentient walls, but I sure hope they aren’t as bad-tempered as this guy. While you may save money on rent as he can just slide up to any available wall, the negatives become apparent when he gets frustrated. Imagine: you’re making a lovely dinner and then the Whomp shuffles to the dining table, only to decide that today he’s become a vegetarian and is upset by your meat-based offerings. He then proceeds to grunt loudly and slam his entire concrete body directly down into the table, devastating everything in sight. We think we’ll stick to non-sentient walls in our apartments in the future, thanks.
9. Phanto
The floating masks from Super Mario Bros 2 will probably be amenable to hobbies like theatre and cosplay. They will also relentlessly pursue and kill you as soon as you collect your keys from the estate agent.
10. Nabbit
A cool bunny man, with great taste in clothing colour may seem like someone you’d want to split a pizza with. He has the sweet mask, a proficiency for finding elusive and rare items and won’t ever need to borrow your car as he can run incredibly fast. The major downside here is that he’ll likely put all your belongings into a sack and run off, leaving you to pay his half of the rent until your lease expires. Say goodbye to your family heirlooms!
11. Megaleg
This metal monstrosity takes up a lot of room, whether they’re in a parking space or in your room asking to borrow a phone charger. It also sublets an endless supply of bullet bills. The landlord is too scared to do anything about it. But every time they fire a bullet bill, it makes rent more affordable, so you know…
12. Chill Bully
Now, with a name like “Bully”, surely you would have some reservations about co-signing an apartment? Well, if common sense didn’t sway you, then maybe having a literal ice cube of malevolence in your living room will. Having constant sub-zero air conditioning nearby may sound refreshing in the midst of a heat wave, but those long, harsh winters will bring a whole new meaning to freezing. And if you think you could just avoid him during the cold seasons, you’d surely be mistaken. He will chase you relentlessly and constantly try to shove you at any given opportunity. Maybe next time, consider why he got his name, huh?
There you have it. If you find yourself in the Mario universe during a housing crisis, you’re going to have your work cut out for you. Work seems easy to come by, though; the Princess-stealing sector is always in need of some goons!
He/Him
A flamboyant ultra nerd, Dave participates in the Underlevelled Tournament both for the thrill of the fight, and to avenge the orphans lost in the climax of the previous tournament.
Born: London
Height: ???
Weight: ???
Nen Type: Manipulator
Classes: Editor, Dancer,
Hobbies: street dance, collecting manga volumes, reading, editing
Likes: short-to-medium walks on the beach, pointing out how things can and will be misconstrued as racism, fighting games, RPGs, anime, Hades, alternative hip hop, conscious hip hop, Mara Wilson, overly long bios, ice-cream
Dislikes: insincere media, his own uncanny resemblance to Richard Ayoade, mayonnaise
Video game completionist and 3D platformer connoisseur, Riley is a fan of the whimsical frenzy of bright and colourful characters that blessed us in the late 90's. Their favourite game's are Spyro, Persona 5 and Super Mario Sunshine.
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